Sometimes in life we bite our tongues. For whatever reason, whether good or bad or grey, we don't speak up when given the chance. And we see the consequences of that eventually and know it's too late in the game to use the words.
Today one of my best friends announced he was engaged. I of course already knew, not because he told me, but because my other best friend works with a woman whose daughter lives with him at their workplace and saw the girlfriend, now fiancee, wearing the ring and now we know. Which was totally uncool. So seeing it announced on Facebook wasn't a surprise. What is a surprise is the lack of acknowledgment of his friends opinions.
He's an amazing guy, don't get me wrong - he's been a bit of a man-whore party animal in the past. But since getting a full time job I honestly believe he's grown past that. He's loyal, kind, protective. And while he has many faults, he's a good man.
I may not know his new fiancee well.. But it's common knowledge between my friends that I have a good instinct, good intuition when it comes to people. When my other best friend was dating someone who I didn't like, he listened and understood that it wasn't just not liking him. It was feeling uncomfortable in his presence. He turned out to be a douche and whop I was right and this intuition has been proven time and time again - but the thing is.. Despite his knowing this, he still believes this is the right thing to do.
See, when Courtney (that's my other best friend) was with The Douche, I distanced myself from her. She was in the situation, she didn't see what I saw. So she didn't listen, and so I stepped back. We're young and impulsive, if I had pushed she would have chosen him over me. And since it was clear to me there was an expiration date I simply stepped back and waited to help pick up the pieces.
Some might think I'm over reacting, or even that I'm jealous. But I know what I see. What I feel. The second this girl came into his life he practically abandoned us. He doesn't see it but they're in bubble. He can't see that I've distanced myself. That he's getting cut off from his best friends because he's too caught up to see that none of us like this girl. I won't get into details about her since that wouldn't be fair, but I will say that I can see she's using him. She's an immature girl who has managed to pull Zac away from HIS support network.
And I had my chance to speak up. But given I've seen him probably three times in the past six months, and that I felt it was a conversation best had in person, and my dislike to speak ill of people (unless I'm with Courtney) I didn't. And now, now he has to make these mistakes. It's his chance to learn a lesson. Because, whether it's in a month's time, a years time or a decades time. He's going to look back and regret this choice. His mum had him out of wedlock, the cycle will likely continue. I have no doubt that before they get married they'll be a baby announcement. But my chance to speak up has passed. It's no longer in my hands.
I have to trust God knows his plans for my best friend. Plans to help him grow. In the meantime, I'll continue to distance myself, my other friends have already noticed my distance (and Courtneys - and her boyfriends [who went to school with the fiancee] dislike of her in general) and to be honest most of them will follow in my footsteps. It's sad. But they know my intuition. They know I'm right. nd it will suck that the small safety net Zac had is disintegrating beneath him. But it's his path and he has to see where it leads him.
I'm not really sure what I've said. But I needed to get it off my chest, and that's what this blog is here for now. Basically it sucks to watch your bestfriend make a mistake when you didn't try hard enough to show them that they're doing the exact same thing they once hated from Courtney. And it sucks more to know that it's out of my hands, that it's no longer my place to say anything. That it needs to run it's course.
I'll delete this (or make it private) if anyone shares it or feels it's impolite to share this.
xxx