Some Feelings About The Future

It's been a while (a real long while) since I last made a blog post here, but lately I've been thinking about the future and what I'll pass down to my children.  See my family obviously has a history of Asperger's and High Functioning Autism.  Because of this it's very likely that any children I have will be affected in one way or another, they may end up with ADHD (like me), Aspergers (like my dad), High Functioning Autism (like my brother) or simply be affected by association (like my mum and probably my future partner, those poor normal people..).  My father is also colour blind, see this gene runs on the females line and affects the males, so it'll affect any boy I have.  These are the things I've been thinking about.  That may not seem like a big task, thousand and thousands of parents deal with children with special needs all over the world.  My fear is that I own't be able to look after them, that it'll be too much for me, that I'll resent my children for something that not only could they not control but that I passed down to them.  My fear is that I won't be capable of caring for a child with these needs in a way that would help them positively.  I know I won't have children for quite a while, but even so I also know I'm a very selfish person.  I tend not to take others into consideration when doing things and I spend a lot of my time with my nose in a book not paying attention to those around me.   I wouldn't have the patience to deal with certain aspects of a child with ADHD/Asperger's/Autism.  I know that there is a chance I'll have my mum around to help me (although there is no guarantee of that as she is over 60 years old and I'm not even 20 yet), but I also know certain support groups are fairly useless and even if they weren't I dislike them as they have an expectation of what should be 'wrong' with these children and they target those issues instead of seeing that every child is unique in their diagnosis. I hate dealing with the government and if I was managing an Autistic child then I'd have to get a careers payment and deal with all that fluff.  I'd have to get used to being seen as a bad mother because my child will most definitely have tantrums in public.  Usually because there are too many people around.  ( Click Here To See What I Mean) I'm not good at dealing with people anyway,

I just spoke to my best friend about it.  Because that's what best friends are for.  And she reminded me that there's simply a chance that it could happen, and if it does then I've learned my whole life how to deal with Aspies and Autism and I can learn from my mothers mistakes.  That I'll have emotional support from my friends and from my husband who'll hopefully be so normal that actually helping raise his own children isn't something he's unable to actively help in doing.  That'll I'll be able to sit down with her and a glass of wine and decompress.

Yes my children could be different, and if they are, or even if they're not, when the time comes I'll manage.  I'll deal with it and be able to handle it with my own support group.  It may mean I have to mature more than I probably want, but I want a big family, so I guess I have to make the decision to do what needs to be done when the time comes.

Besides, I've never cared what others thought anyway.


Becca

xoxo