A Day Of Appreciation: Nineteenth of March, Twenty Fifteen

Hey Guys,

I haven't posted the last two days and decided, since I haven't really done anything holiday related, to do an old school post.  Hope that's okay with you all.

Appreciation and Thanks:

So lately I've been feeling very thankful for all that I have, the opportunities that have been blessed to me, and the people I get to share my life with, this morning in particular I felt very appreciative of what my friends are to me and their importance to my life.  It got me thinking, what does it mean to appreciate something or someone?  The basic definition of appreciate is to recognize the full worth or someone or something.  Sadly, I've noticed, that the world becomes a little less appreciative each day.  That probably doesn't make much sense just yet, but let me explain. Growing up in a Christian household my brother and I were raised to be thankful.  To appreciate what we've been blessed with and to show our thanks.  We used to thank God each morning for the day, thank him for our meals and the hands that prepared them, we used to thank him for our parents and for our animals.  Unfortunately not all families were raised this way, and I don't mean raised as thankful Christians, but raised as thankful people.  Without thanks and appreciation it's easy to take things for granted.  The other morning during Prayer and Porridge time Christopher said thank you to God for the day, for the sky, the trees, the grass, the clouds.  He gave thanks for something which we see everyday, but sometimes overlook.  Many might not see the importance of being thankful for something as simple as the sky, but he did, and it reminded me of how my actual brother (that being Benjamin) and I were raised and how far off those rails we've come.  Lately it seems the only thanks we give is when we say a quick "Thank you God for the food and bless the hands that prepared it," and when we owe someone thanks for a task or a compliment.  Christopher's giving of thanks brought me back to how it once was, and how we are not appreciating everything we have.
I decided to look at thanks and appreciation from a different angle, so let me pose to you some questions.

Is it important?  Is it important to you, to your health, to your soul, to your heart? If it is important, then why do we not give thanks for it, whatever 'it' may be?  If it was gone, would you notice, would you survive comfortably and peacefully? If so, is that not important, should we not be thankful for it?
We live our day to day lives without giving thanks for the simple things, the things we don't notice.

So there, that's something to mull on.  Giving thanks for the simple things.  And the not so simple.

Friend Appreciation

Now, onto how this has impacted my morning.  As I said previously I've been feeling very appreciative of my friends and their importance in my life.  It's easy to forget about your friends, not their physical form or their name, but what they do and mean to your life.  How they affect you in a positive way.  With Zac/Leprechaun spending a bit more time with his own family I've started to notice what his presence means for myself and my family/household.  And while for the past few weeks I've been telling him that I'm glad and thankful he's my friend.  Last night he slept at his own house, meaning he wasn't at our house this morning.  After being forced to wake up at the disgusting time of seven thirty(ish) and sitting down, I noticed that today I feel off.  I'm not sick, and I'm not hungry.  I'm just off, in my tummy, in my head, in my actions.  Just off. And I wanted a Zac Hug.  But he wasn't there.  So I sent him a simple message saying that I missed him.  To which he replied, oh hang on, I'll just post the entire conversation.  It'll make more sense.  Maybe.

Becca: I miss you.

Zac: Haha wow really?

Becca: Yeah.  I feel off and just sort of want a you hug.  And I want to chill downstairs wit you but you aren't there.

:(

Zac: Mmm... I'll be there later tonight probably.  I'll let you know. 

Becca: That's fine.  I just thought I should tell you so you know you're appreciated for more than chores and buying me/us food.  :)

Zac: Haha yeah I know :)

Becca: I know you know.  I like to remind you, and others about why they're appreciated. 

Zac: Haha well I don't get it often so I'll take it when I can.

Becca; For instence; I appreciate that you spend so much time at my house and in my company.  I appreciate that you often buy me things (such as useless cards I think are adorable) and food.  I appreciate that you pitch in around the house when it comes to jobs and cleaning.  I appreciate that you help prepare and cook food on the occasions when the 'teens' are in charge.  I appreciate your unconditional friendship.  I appreciate the fact that when mum and dad were gone and Tabby brought something in and Sherbi ate it, that you cleaned it up.

I appreciate that you motivate me, encourage me, support me, and entertain me.  I appreciate that when I'm feeling down you're there to comfort me.  I appreciate that you sometimes change your plans to spend time with me or help me/my family out.  I appreciate the way you can attend to Ben with all his different moods.  I appreciate that you've made many changes to your life since becoming my friend.  I appreciate your walk with Christ alongside my own. 

I appreciate YOU. 

So that gives you a little idea of what I mean.  Our friends, especially our best friends, do so much for us, and sometimes they don't even realize it.  I feel if we take a moment each day to just let them know that they're appreciated, and mean it, that it can change them.  For the better.  

Summarized Ending

Each day we should be thankful for what we have, for what we've been blessed with.  I'm thankful and grateful that I live in a beautiful country and state, and have a large home that is open for friends and family. I'm thankful that I have both my parents and my brother along with our additions.  I'm thankful for my friends and how they change me for the better.  I'm thankful for the amazing experience that is set out before me.  I'm thankful for the sky and the beautiful green grass, for the glistening ocean.  Be thankful. Appreciate what and who you have.  

Live long and prosper, Godspeed

Becca 

xxx

#28DaysToGo #HolidayCountdown 

February the Twenty Fifth 2014.

Secret Desires and Dreams.

I have a confession.  One of the things I want out of life, in fact the most important thing I want to receive in this life, is a family.  Not like a mother, or father, or brother.  I already have those.  I'm talking about starting my own family.  Having children of my own.  

I know this may not surprise many people, as a female it's ingrained in us, even in today's society where women's roles are so much more than just staying home and looking after the house, that becoming a mother and having our own family is basically end goal.  

But it was never like that for me, my parents lived forty years never wanting to have a family, or giving up the idea of having a family of their own.  Because of this, and the lessons I was taught as a child I grew up knowing that my 'end goal' would be something bigger, something more than just having a family.  And, yeah, whatever, if I had kids along the way that was great.  So unlike many other girls who have this desire, mine wasn't centered from childhood influences.  I don't even know specifically when I realized that I wanted a family of my own so much.  After all I am only 17 years old, and I shouldn't be thinking about things like this yet, because rationally speaking it's a far off event for me.  

But somehow it has become one of my biggest secret desires.  

If I told my friends that I wanted to be a mother I get the distinct feeling they would scoff and say that I'd be a terrible mother.  Not because I'm abusive or anything, but simply because I tend to forget to feed my pets, myself, I'm not good at organizing myself, and I'm immature.  But what I think they fail to see is that I am naturally very maternal.  I mother and smother them.  Whether they know it or not.  In my mind when I hear them say they're going to parties I go into 'mama bear' mode and I start telling them to be careful, to not do this, or that.  When they're upset or panicking I try and talk them through it, I try and help them.  Not because I want to, frankly interfering with such things is so bad for my own anxiety.  But because NOT helping them out of it feels so wrong and if I didn't I would feel like I was failing them.  This is all just instinctual.  And I know that this is ingrained in most women.  Probably something to do with our hormones.  Not sure.  But the fact of the matter is that my personal 'end goal' isn't to become an author, to travel the world, to make a difference in the world.  It's to have children of my own.. And furthermore I don't want to wait until I'm in my late thirties to have them.  

I don't want them growing up fearing that their mother, or father, won't be there for them.  That their father won't be there to give them away.  That their mother won't be there to help with their first child.  I wouldn't want them to have the same fears I have with my parents.  My parents turn 60 this year.  I'm only 18 this year, and the possibility that my dad won't walk me down the aisle, or that I won't have my mother there to help me through my first pregnancy scares the hell out of me. Not because I need them there, but because if they aren't, that means they're dead and that they missed out on being parent's-in-law, and grandparents.  They are old, not matter what I say to them and these possibilities scare the shit out of me.  I don't want my children to have those fears.  I want to have them in my early to mid twenties.  I want them to know that I'll be there for them throughout their whole life.  I want to be alive to see them have children of their own.  And if God allows, to see my grandchildren have children.    I know that this probably won't happen, especially given that I don't want to have sex until marriage and I'm not exactly dating anyone, and in all honesty I don't think I will until God tells me it's the right time.  That the person before me is the one I will spend the rest of my life with.  

So basically my secret desire is to get married fairly young and have children in my twenties.  To have family of my own.  A place of my own.  I get the feeling that many people will read this and think 'that's what everyone wants' but I don't know.  I feel like my desire for this, this life, is more than just desire.  It's what is meant to be, that I was made to be a mother.  That it's part of my destiny.  And I am becoming a big believer in destiny, although I think I always was.  I'm just coming to understand it better now.  

This is all not to say that I don't want to achieve other things in my life.  Women have so many opportunities now, and just because I become a mother doesn't mean that I have to give up all the other possibilities.  I still want to travel, and write for the pleasure of others and to have a voice that is heard.  And I can still do those things if I become a mother.  It's just that, becoming a mother is the biggest goal of mine.  I want to be there for a child from day one, I want to hold that baby, the one that myself and my husband created, I want to cherish every moment and watch he or she grow and develop and eventually become a young adult who has their own views and opinions.  There is so much beauty in watching a child grow, visibly seeing that, documenting that.  I want that.  I want to be there for my son or daughter through scratches, bruises, broken hearts, bad grades, lost friends, hard lessons.  It's just something I feel, in the deepest parts of my soul, that I was made to do.  

Also, I think that maybe my desire to have a family young is so that my parents will still be alive to see me married, and the see their grand children.  I know that 60 isn't that old.. But when I'm twenty they'll be 62.  When I'm thirty they'll be 72.  When I'm 40 they'll be 82.  When I'm 50, they'll be 92.  And they both have health issues so I have no idea how long I have left with them.  That scares me but I've grown up with only one grandparent and she hates me and I missed out on so much because my grandparents weren't there throughout my childhood, and I don't want my children to miss out on all that.  

Also on a similar note: I'm a sentimental, control freak, who both smothers and mothers her friends, is slightly possessive, can be caring and strong when needed, and can be a huge bitch is you ever cross me and mine.  

Live long and prosper, godspeed.  

Becca.